Fears Through the Years

My Friend Jeanie,

I hope this finds you well and safe. I pray for you and your family, daily.

I’ve lived a lot of years. I hope to live some more, too. Along with all the years, have come a lot of hopes and fears. Hey, I’m just being honest. I know, as a Christian I’m not supposed to be all hopes and no fears. I could say all the Christianly proper things about this. I can say them aloud or I can say them to myself. But, being completely honest and transparent, as of this moment, I still have fears.

I’m afraid of growing old and not being able to care for myself and remain in my own home. I’m afraid of not having enough income as the prices of everything continue to rise. I’m afraid of the possible outcome of this last election. I’m afraid it will lead the country into socialism and then into communism. I’m afraid of losing freedom and liberty. I’m afraid of being persecuted for my beliefs. I’m afraid of the rising crime rate. I fear for the safety of my children and grandchildren. I’m afraid of living the rest of my life alone. I recently bought a handgun. I’ve never owned one before. Okay, besides buying a handgun, what else am I doing that is perhaps more practical?

I’m learning to “walk in His presence”. To this end, I’ve learned I’ve never accepted and appropriated the total package of grace Jesus provided through His death and resurrection. I accepted the atonement for my sins, eternal life, and regeneration of my spirit by the Holy Spirit. I accepted the death, burial, and resurrection of self through baptism. But, I did not understand about the slaying of my flesh (body & soul) and the restoring of my spirit to its proper place of dominion over my body and soul. I’ve tried to live like a Christian and to do the things Christians do by the sheer power of “me”. Today, I’m learning a different way–the way I was never taught in church or seminary. I’m learning to live the way Jesus taught.

I’ll have more to say on this, as I learn more. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your family. Pray for me when you have time.

Your friend,
Carl Ray

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